1/13/11


it's been happening a lot lately where i'm blaming a lot of my life problems soely on being a chick. there are some pretty bad-ass pros to being a girl (high-heels, party dresses, getting away with doing a "girly" shot because you can't handle jack daniels) but lately, i'm just really wishin' i was a dude.

body hair, and lots of it.
it doesn't matter that you're covered head to toe in hair! in fact, it's considered sexy (as long as it's not all over your back), you have to do absolutely no matenence with a razor except for your face and i'm sure you're a lot more fucking warm than a girl come winter time.

peeing
what i would give sometimes just to be able to pee anywhere i want. technically i could, yes, but i'd probably be banned from a few bars/restaurants/clubs for going outside and half-nakedly squatting against their side-alley wall. and when you're done, all you do is shake a bit and you're good to go. you can't shake a vagina.

menstration
need i say more. hold up; why does menstration have the word "men" in it?

bras and other fat-stuffing/binding/comfort-stealing peices of clothing
dudes wear pajamas in public and it's cool. then again, there was (and still is) that awful trend of girls wearing those sweatpants with stupid shit like "juicy" or "babe" written on the ass. no matter how much like shit i may feel one day, i'm still well enough (in the head) to put on a pair of fucking jeans. though... sometimes i just want to wear an xxxxxl shirt with sweatpants/ball cap/sneakers and call it a fucking day while i can remain as straight looking and attractive as possible.

having bros is easier than having gal pals
not to say that boys don't gossip, take things personally or get into really stupid fights with each other over nothing, but i'm gonna say being a dude and hanging out with your really good dude friends is so non-bullshit compared to being a chick with chick friends. boys are so non-drama (most of the time) and this explains why i have a fuck load of them for friends. but then as a girl, your dude friends end up wanting to/hope to bone you one day. can't i ever get a break?

shopping is so easy
boys wear a really good pair of runners/jeans/some awesome shirts/cardigan/jacket. you're fucking set. boys don't accessorize or have to. boys wearing jewelry is kinda weird anyways; i mean if you have one bad ass ring or something, rock it. but it's simplicity that draws me to mens style, because i am a strong believer in simplicity myself. sometimes it sucks that some girls need to wear a dress/something sparkly to prove that they like dick.

your family doesn't expect too much out of you
as a girl you're supposed to be smart, dress well, be attractive, get good grades, get into a good school, get a good job (which even at your best you'll most likely still be paid less than the men in the office), find a wealthy husband and pop out 2.5 kids. after that, the pressure's on to keep yourself attractive, even though all you do is work/clean/feed kids/cook breakfasts, lunches and dinners, so you need to fit time in somehow to work out and eat lots of nasty leafy things. then you can't have grey hair/wrinkles, so botox and salon bills bills bills it is. when you're a dude, as long as you graduate school no one cares. as long as you have a job no one cares. as long as you get married no one cares. as LONG AS YOU'RE WEARING CLOTHES NO ONE CARES. and men tend to get better looking as they age. fairness, mother nature? i think not.

drinking beer with every meal is acceptable


being a tough guy = cool. being a tough chick = bitch.
i'm a tough broad. no bullshit. don't shit on my head and call it a hat. when dudes don't let people fuck with him, it's because he's defending him or his friends/girlfriends/family's honor and you don't mess with that shit. when a girl stands up for herself, takes no guff, retaliates, she's a huuuge bitch.
uh, what?

pregnancy
duh.

being a dude in a band = awesome. being a chick in a band = "girls can't play music, silly!"
so it's not as bad anymore as it used to be, but girl bands/girls in bands are more often than not either a) taken as seriously as men and b) more often than not, not always given the time/respect they deserve as artists. girls usually have to show some tits to get famous, anyways. i think it's only fair then that male artists show me their asses.

date rape druggage
who's gonna slip a dude a date rape drug? uh, no one? being a chick at a bar and getting offered a drink is something to be considered borderline sketchy these days, and is no longer a gentlemanly expression. meanwhile, if a girl offers to buy you a drink... you're gonna fucking take it and drink it and like it.

the party animal/out of control crazy bitch
the dude who is known to party super hard, stay up till 8 am on many types of drugs and commits himself to many beer bongs (even whilst being held by his peers upside down) is one down-ass mega party animal that you want at all of our parties. if he starts fights/ends up in fights every once and a while, it's okay! he can't help it! he's just so wiiiild! but as a lady, when you're stumbling around blubbering about nonsense, getting into fights with people and you take your heels off while walking down the sidewalk at 4 am, you're a "hot mess". shame.






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